DAYS 3 & 4: May 29-30, 2014

5:35 pm listening to Lana del Rey's American

Hola Internets!

I deserve a medal for what I'm doing right now reminds me of everything that I love about smoking. Drinking a hot cup of coffee, blogging, and listening to music. That's it. I miss smoking. But no, I'm committed to quitting. There's just a bit of sadness at this point. Fourth day of no cigarettes and I'm still in disbelief.

Anyhoo, I'm still anticipating some serious withdrawal symptoms. So far I'm thankful (pwera usog please) since my withdrawal seems mild. I've had a couple of dizzy spells and insomnia. Nothing I haven't experienced on a regular basis when I was a full-blown smoker (thank God). The cravings are still there. Like an ex-boyfriend who you miss that much but you know he's bad for you. I cannot let myself be jerked around by cigarettes again. Hahaha.

My triggers are still looming. I'm especially careful how I'll handle myself come Manila time aka normal life: coffee, booze, wine, smoking people around you, living alone, and easy access to smokes. Hmmm. One day at a time.

At this early part of my quit, I always try to induce my craving and observe how I handle myself. I try to imagine what if I have friends over who smoke, how would that make me feel. Of course, I'll be craving (at this point at least) but I have this pact with myself that it's just a "No" from here on out. Smoking is just not an option anymore. I keep reminding myself this is for the better.

I'm proud of myself for lasting this long. Yey me! :)

DAY 2: May 28, 2014

I'm actually writing this early morning of Thursday. But whatever. I want to document it by the day, so I'll try.

Day Two is pretty much blah. I've experienced some serious cravings in the early afternoon. I had to stuff my mouth with fruits. The triggers are real. In the past four years of heavy smoking, everything around me and everything I do are all triggers. I would say if I could smoke in my sleep, I probably would have.

So far what has worked for me is to recognize the cravings. I've signed-up for this iPhone App called ButtOut (courtesy of Mary Ann, my number one cheerleader. I thank her so very much). When I have some serious craving I log in and register that craving. Let me list thee for easier reference.

Here's what I do when I crave (and what has worked thus far):

1. I want to recognize the craving and not slip it under the rug. I feel that urge and then go do another thing. I have a feeling this will be an ongoing battle regardless if it's Day 3 or Day 365. So I must be friends with it, and be friends enough to say No to it. A big fat "No."

2. Drink lots of water.

3. Log in to ButtOut and register that craving.

4. Read online about Quitting Smoking. Read ButtOut forums. Read Reddit. Read everything Google has to offer. It helps when you know you're not the only one who's struggling.

5. Eat fruits and nuts to keep your mouth busy.

6. Always remind yourself why you're doing this. Refer to Day 1 blog post.

7. Sleep it off.

I'll add a few more as I go along. One day at a time. One day at a time.

DAY 1: May 27, 2014

4:37 pm

Today I smoked one cigarette at about nine in the morning. It's near late afternoon now and I've had none so far. No more cigarettes in the house. I'll take this one day at a time. Today, the goal is just to get through to tomorrow and not buy a new pack. That's it.

I want to remind myself today what my motivations are for quitting smoking:

1. I've been suffering from bouts of anxiety attacks since last year. I really want to rid myself of that, and the way to do it is to quit smoking and start exercising again for real. It's harder for smokers to keep up cardio exercises. If I'm serious about being fit and healthy, I should start by quitting this really, really, really bad habit. I dream of running/jogging/hiking without too much panting, without feeling like I'm 30 years older than my age. That's the goal.

2. I don't want to be a slave to cigarettes and right now I feel like I am. Everytime I'm out with people, I always feel the need to check where I can smoke, if I have enough cigarettes with me in case I run out, and how it's going to be so hard if all the people in the group are non-smokers. I hate that. It makes me feel like an addict, a dirty addict. Why can't I just simply be there with my friends without the need to suck a fag.

3. I want to be healthy inside and out. By that I mean physically and mentally. Cigarettes have affected my health (of course) not just physically but mentally. I can't concentrate without smoking (or at least that's what it makes me feel). My memory has suffered in the past six years. And my skin. Oh my skin. It deserves to be in a separate bullet.

4. My skin. I want to bring back glowing skin. Seriously. I used to have really good skin. Not that I have really bad skin but I can see the big difference. Non-smokers at my age (given normal genes) have clear, glowing skin. While here I am with my sallow, dry, lackluster skin.

5. I want to enjoy things like a normal person and not spiral into someone who associates everything with smoking. Coffee, delicious meals, writing, watching TV, having fun, having a bad day, sex, drinking sessions, wine, milk, fruits, book reading, magazine reading, talking, beach-ing. Everything is almost all tied to smoking and I truly, with all my heart, hate it.

6. I want to look like Jennifer Aniston (at my age). Glowing, healthy, and fit. I would love to run and do yoga on a regular basis.

7. Repeat that. I want to run and do yoga on a regular basis.

8. I don't have to worry about meeting new people and them judging me as a smoker. People do judge. It's one more thing I can do without in my life.

9. It would be the best gift to my parents and my sisters.

10. It would be the best gift I'll be able to give to myself.